Reasons of Loss
by domina tempore
Summary: Why Sheppard and Nancy grew apart... it was more than distance.


_Author's Note: I was really bored, and I decidedto do a Sheppard/Nancy story (fans of my normal ships, please don't kill me!) But I wanted to give them something more than just "we grew apart and divorced". So here is something more... thoughts, comments, angry letters will not be turned away (but please don't be angry; I can't help which plot bunnies show up at my door! and angry letters may make me cry... lol)_

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**Reasons**

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In the end, John guessed that it could have been worse. He could have been walking here alone, in the rain, with a hungry wraith stalking him. So yeah, it could have been worse... but not by much.

The sky was gray and dark, perfect to match his mood. He almost wished that he had allowed his team to come with him on this short trip to earth when they had asked. But he didn't want any of them to see this; he didn't want them to know about it, ever. Especially Teyla. Gosh, not Teyla! So he found himself instead walking the slow, winding path through the cemetery, under a sky colored with clouds that looked like slate but refused to let the rain inside them fall.

His eyes picked out the tiny grave stone that marked the resting place that he'd been looking for, and the woman crouching beside it, laying a handful of flowers at the base of the stone. He cringed. The day had just gotten worse.

He wanted to turn back, but he knew that this was something that he had to do. So he schooled his face into an emotionless mask, appropriate for the military man that he was, and went to stand beside the woman.

"He was a cute kid," his voice made the woman jerk around to face him. His heart lurched when he saw her face, deeply, deeply sad and stained with the tears that still fell from her eyes. She tried to wipe them away quickly.

"John Sheppard," she said his name bitterly, but with a wistfulness that he couldn't ignore. "I didn't think that you'd come back today."

"Nancy, please..." his ex-wife raised an eyebrow at him.

"You haven't come in two years..."

"That wasn't my fault! Believe me, if I could have gotten back in time, I would have."

"But you didn't think that I'd still expect you back after so long, did you?" John sighed.

"Fair enough." Awkwardly, he put his arm around her and looked down at the little tombstone before them. Nancy sniffed sadly beside him.

"I wish that he could have grown up," she lamented. "I wish that we could have had more than a few hours with him..." she sniffed again. "I wanted this baby so badly."

"You would have made a great mom," he assured her. She looked up at him.

"And you would have made a good father," she said. "I thought... when he was born... that we might have had a chance at fixing things between us. But it all... it all went downhill after that." She shook her head sadly. "I was just so happy that we were going to have a baby; I thought that at the very least you would try for him. But then he had to die... he was only a few hours old!" she was sobbing, very quietly, and John hugged her a little bit closer.

"I know," he murmured softly, his eyes reddening with tears that he refused to let fall. "I'm sorry."

"We never tried after we lost him," she whispered. "We let ourselves grow apart after he died. I wish... I wish that we hadn't," she said softly.

"Me too," John's voice was low and husky as he thought of the son that he had never known, who he and Nancy had barely been able to hold for a few hours before his life was snatched away from them. He'd resented the fact that there was nothing that they could have done to save him, and Nancy had resented him for not being there for her while she was grieving. An event that should have brought them together had instead torn them further and further apart, until the separation had become comfortable and they'd barely felt the pain of the divorce.

As if to share their mood, the clouds spilled their burdens, adding their tears to Nancy's. John tugged gently on her hand.

"Let's get out of the rain," he said. Obediently, Nancy followed him to his car, and he drove her to a little coffee shop, where they sat in awkward silence over steaming cups and became lost in their own thoughts. John regretted what had happened between him and Nancy, and he wished that at least they could have maintained some kind of relationship after the divorce; something that meant that she forgave him.

He had no idea what Nancy was thinking for a while, but he could take a guess when she started to cry again. Not even thinking this time he moved so that he was sitting beside her instead of across from her, and wrapped her in his arms and kissed her hair. This time, he didn't need any words to comfort her; and she would probably end up resenting them, anyways. But he couldn't stand to simply sit there and watch her cry.

Fin.

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_A/N: Just to let you know, this one is not reflective of my mood (well, maybe now that I made myself sad writing it...); I was simply dissatisfied with the way that their relationship seemed to have ended._


End file.
